How Learning Habits Changed My Life

Last updated on January 16th, 2024 at 02:36 am

Just as I set it to the night before, my alarm rang like a distant gong chiming its early morning call.

I didn’t move a muscle. “Noooo!” my brain was screaming.

I reached over and snoozed the alarm, burrowing deeper under the covers.

Now engaged in a full-fledged battle between my previous intentions and my current desires, the voice inside me was getting quite verbose.

It’s too cold

This doesn’t feel good

You have to finish the dream!

That last excuse made sense in the fog of it all. I closed my eyes and tried to return to the latest episode.

But a relentless nudge kept poking at me. Workout machine…. workout machine….

Ah, yes. I had flexed triumphantly in front of the mirror the night before, calling myself a “lean, mean, workout machine.”

I was also fully dressed for the workout, down to my socks. My water bottle was filled and ready. All I had to do was get up and pull my sneakers on. It would be easy once I got to the gym, started sweating, and moved to the music. This was the hardest part.

I willed myself upright, then out of bed, telling myself I could nestle back under my comfy blanket after the workout.

I grabbed the car keys, and the rest was history.

How learning about small habits helped me work out

I tell my workout story to demonstrate what I’ve learned about habits. I probably would not succeed at actually dragging myself to the gym so early in the morning if it weren’t for what I’ve learned. There are a few key habit principles at play in this situation:

1. I reduced the amount of friction involved in the action as much as possible

Notice how I slept in my workout clothes, prepped my water bottle, and readied my sneakers? That left no room for (good) excuses when my motivation ran out. And I don’t know about you, but every time my alarm goes off at that ungodly hour, my motivation is totally flatlined.

Both James Clear and BJ Fogg talk about this concept in their Habits books. One of Clear’s Four Laws of Behavior Change is to make the habit easy. Remove any possible barriers that will serve as easy targets from which your mind can formulate excuses.

Clear pointed out in Atomic Habits: “Human behavior follows the Law of Least Effort. We will naturally gravitate toward the option that requires the least amount of work. Create an environment where doing the right thing is as easy as possible.” (emphasis is my own)

2. I incorporated the desired habit into my identity

What kind of self-talk do you think helps me actually exercise?

“I’m not the kind of person who works out.” or “I am a lean, mean, workout machine!!”

Of course, the second one. I play it up and act silly, but it’s better to set my mind on what I want to accomplish than bury myself in negativity. It may be delusional, but I think people achieve their delusions (or goals) far more often than accidentally falling into them.

Both Fogg and Clear talk about taking on an identity that aligns with your goals in their books. Clear wrote in Atomic Habits: “The identity itself becomes the reinforcer. You do it because it’s who you are and it feels good to be you… Incentives can start a habit. Identity sustains a habit.”

It also reminds me of Stephen Covey’s advice in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People when he talks about beginning “with the end in mind.” He wrote, “I can live out my imagination instead of my memory. I can tie myself to my limitless potential instead of my limiting past.”

Covey argues that each action has two creations: The first creation is the idea, the plan. The second creation is the actual doing and implementing. But one needs to have the plan to succeed in one’s mind first.

3. I promised to reward myself after completing the habit

Aside from reducing friction and allowing my goal of exercising more to become a part of the new me, an important piece to me finally getting of bed was the reward I planned.

I told myself I could snuggle back into bed after the workout and a shower.

I don’t always take the reward, but I like having the option. It’s effective to dangle that carrot.

Reward is actually the last of James Clear’s Four Laws of Behavior Change: “Make it satisying,” Clear wrote.

And before you think rewards are just for little kids with sticker charts and treasure boxes, let me ask you: Are you actually achieving those things your body sometimes doesn’t want to do? Like working out or limiting your screen time or putting the spoon down after only two bites of ice cream instead of 100?

If you struggle with accomplishing your goals, I wholeheartedly recommend learning more about how to create lasting habits. And consider using rewards, even if you’re saying “Way to go!” or “Yay me!” to yourself.

Rewarding yourself immediately actually solidifies the action you just completed in your brain, increasing the likelihood that you’ll perform it again. According to behavior scientist BJ Fogg, practicing the sequence of the habit and then celebrating right away wires in the habit.

Like little rivulets of water flowing down the same paths over and over start to form rivers and eventually canyons, repeating these actions starts to form a topography.

The question is: Is your current topography of actions and habits something you want, or is change in order?

How I reduced “crunch time” overwhelm with small habits

I used to have a daily breakdown when the sun started setting.

Each evening, this depleted mama was turning into a pumpkin, and a rotten one at that.

Spending a full day chasing my toddler and writing this blog, among other duties like keeping up the house and maintaining our social/community calendar really starts to wear at me by the early evening.

Then there’s still dinner to be made.

I’ll preface this by mentioning I think I had a legitimate health issue: I was so utterly exhausted. The second my husband got home from work, I’d run to bed and blackout. This was no way to treat my precious family. By God’s grace, I’ve mainly solved the daily breakdown/blackout cycle with two remedies: habits and vitamins.

On the physical side, I started faithfully taking a supplement that contained B vitamins and a few other key nutrients. Taking this vitamin has done wonders for my energy levels!

Now let’s get to the habits. Let me show you how different getting ready for dinner looks around our house:

First, I make sure any dishes from earlier in the day get washed. There’s something about a sinkful of dirty dishes that becomes a giant mental block for me.

Then I ready any pots and pans I’ll need. I may set out some nonrefrigerated ingredients or page to the recipe I’ll need.

Now that these supplies are out, it takes away a lot of the overwhelm associated with my last big task of the day.

After performing this little pre-dinner routine, I treat myself. I’ll either pull out two delicious macarons from my freezer (I buy macaron packs from the grocery store, or make them myself!) or make homemade chocolate milk using maple syrup and cocoa powder. These treats aren’t diet busters, but they are little infusions of sweet that keep me motivated (see the point about rewards above!).

Settling in with my treat, I’ll try to take a short break if I can. This reset allows me to face dinner and all of the tasks afterward without as much anxiety or self-sabotage.

As a habit recipe (a la BJ Fogg, Tiny Habits), this sequence would look like:

Char’s Peaceful Early Evening Habit Recipe

First, I will: 1. Greet my husband cheerfully

and 2. Set out items for dinner

Then, I will celebrate with: a treat and break

Where to start? A habits-building book list

I’m going to hand over my recommened book list for learning about building habits, but please don’t get overwhelmed! This has been a yearlong pursuit of mine so far. Taking in the knowledge steadily, and implementing these habit practices can be an unrushed and beautiful journey. Here are my favorites:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (Read the “Habit One: Be Proactive” chapter if you don’t have time to read the entire book!)

Atomic Habits by James Clear

Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg

Proverbs from the Bible

The impact of habit principles on my life

If you’ve spent some time reading this blog, you’ll know I’m a mom of a toddler as well as a substitute teacher. I also operate this blog and help my husband run our small business.

All of this on top of maintaining the home, our (modest) social and community life, our health, and all shades of in-between.

I mention all of this not to appear impressive (I mean, all you have to do is come over to be cured of any false impressions) but to make a point. I’m busy– we’re all busy. We want to get things done, accomplish those dreams.

An extreme frustration swells up when we can’t get those goals achieved, for whatever reason.

I feel the frustration acutely, as one of those special humans gifted with a boundless imagination for aspirations but only a sliver of energy to accomplish them.

The gap between my goals and achievement seems so expansively wide sometimes. But through learning how to take the smallest step, how to plan and then practice and solidify each habit, the little actions will bleed into bigger, and those dreams no longer seem so distant.

That’s why the various authors of habits books I’ve recommended suggest starting small.

Start with the tiniest particle of something to gain a foothold.

Succeeding with that one small thing over and over again can bring momentum that lifts you to the next small but mighty action. These atom-sized habits layer onto on another. And you start to see how far you’ve come. After a while, you’ll notice the beauty of these changes not only adding up but compounding.

Learning how to effectively take action in my life has been no small thing to me. This knowledge and implementation has made me a better wife and mother, a better teacher and friend. I hope it can help you in the same way. Meaningful change is possible.

“It is so much easier to blame other people, conditioning, or conditions for our own stagnant situation. But we are responsible– “response-able”– to control our lives…” Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Readers: Have you read any of the books I suggested above? What were your thoughts on them?

Proverbs 14:23 “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” NIV