You know that frustrating gap between wanting to get something done and actually getting it done?
What are our main obstacles between Wishdom and reality?
Can we lessen that gaping discrepancy with:
Motivation?
Productivity hacks?
Instagrammable juice cleanses?
I’ve learned that our best shots at making changes in our lives is through small actions, repeated over and over.
Habits.
Once this behavior science information started to resonate in me, and I began implementing these baby steps toward change, I was hooked. In my last post, I detailed the most important points I had learned in my knowledge quest surrounding the topic of habits.
I thought it’d also be fun and helpful to compile a list of habits that have refined my motherhood journey into a role filled with more peace, pleasantness and joy. We’re not aiming for perfection here, but progress? Most definitely.
Here are my favorite habits for happier and healthier motherhood:
Habit 1: Make the bed.
No, really, before you click off of this page, let me assure you that the most iconic of all daily habits is, in fact, worth the hype.
Especially for moms. New parents. People who greatly need their bedroom to be a haven of rest and solace.
In a house overridden with kid items, reclaim the room as just yours.
I started making the bed each day and switching on a soft glowing light in our bedroom.
Now, thanks to my making the bed habit, whenever I happen to go into our room during the day or even when we’re ready to go to sleep at night, the bed is tidy and welcoming, and the glow of the salt lamp bathes the room in a calming warmth. Our place of refuge in a house littered with the random toddler-placed objects.
This tidying habit also lessens stress. In “The Organized Mind”, author Daniel J. Levitin reports that clutter increases women’s cortisol levels.
Why not give this habit a go, for your health’s sake?
Habit 2: Write down any to-dos as you think of them.
I don’t think we were meant to live with the constant bombardment of to-dos flooding our minds at random intervals.
Get it out– write it down. When you think of it.
You can get a fancy stack of sticky notes or a cute dry erase board. In a minimalist streak, I decided on our fridge and a Vis-a-Vis marker. The writing erases with a wet towel.
Recording tasks is a way to externalize memory. I don’t think we were meant to hold in the entire onslaught of to-dos:
“The most fundamental principle of the organized mind, the one most critical to keeping us from forgetting or losing things, is to shift the burden of organizing from our brains to the external world,” writes Daniel J. Levitin in The Organized Mind.
Habit 3: Create a housework schedule
Make a chore chart if you have to. (You could even reward yourself with those shiny star stickers if it brings you joy!)
I know it seems like the house will just make it known which tasks need to be completed and in which order, but if your house is anything like mine, that starts to get overwhelming.
At any given time, there are dozens of things that need to get done around here.
Cut the decision fatigue, and make a weekly schedule.
Assign each task to a day. You can view a sample of mine in my post about homemaking. It’s a worthwhile habit to cultivate and definitely saves my sanity.
Habit 4: Make and rotate through simple meals
I like to cook and experiment in the kitchen. But this hobby isn’t always supported by the time I have.
Even though my soul sings when I get to tinker with elaborate recipes, this season of life lends itself a lot more to helping a toddler stay occupied than playing Julia Child.
And that’s okay, I tell myself often while pinning those gorgeous recipes on a Pinterest board that’ll maybe someday see the light of day.
In my fast-paced life, I need simple and easy meals to prepare. To squeeze in all that we want to accomplish around these parts, my meal plans must stay straightforward. I like to come up with ten simple dinner ideas (to cover weeknights for two weeks) and repeat that two-week cycle.
The weekends are for leftovers concoctions, going out, or maybe even daring attempts at tempting new dishes. What are some of your favorite dinnertime go-tos?
Habit 5: Always put the kitchen “to bed”
Though this is related to Habit 8 (setting up materials before a task), I wanted to give this one its own section.
Putting the kitchen “to bed,” as it’s commonly called, can mean making sure the dishes are done, sometimes even all put away. The floors swept. The counters wiped.
Don’t get me wrong– we usually don’t have an immaculate kitchen. But efforts are made to clear away the debris of the day so that our next day can be greeted with clean and clutter-free spaces. Usually.
Habit 6: Designate phone-free times
I know this sounds radical, but the only way to guarantee you’re not tempted to glance down at your screen randomly when you should be spending time with your family is by putting boundaries around that activity.
Most of us didn’t have to grow up in an environment in which our parents were looking down and away constantly. Yes, there was TV, and that certainly hooked us, but at least television can be watched together. Scrolling our phones not only distracts us but isolates us and shuts those around us out.
It’s probably also better for our mental health to erect fences around times to check notifications, emails, etc.
Maybe we can intentionally and meaningfully set up healthy boundaries so that we are controlling the technology, and not the other way around.
I still struggle with this one, but I’m always happier and less in a fog when I’m able to stay off the device.
My rule– that I imperfectly keep? No scrolling or checking while my child is up. I put my device in another room if I have to.
Habit 7: Create landing areas for to-do items
I love cultivating this habit, because not only does it take care of the clutter by assigning a space to specific items, but the area itself serves as a prompt.
Let me give you an example: the humble hamper. I bet you have one of these containers for holding dirty clothes? And when you see the hamper at varying fullness levels, are you not always reminded to launder these?
My favorite new landing area is a stylish woven letter tray sitting on a table right in our entryway. When I bring in the mail, I sort it. Bills and other items that require action go straight into the letter tray. The rest of the mail is either chucked or saved, depending on what it is (cute cards or invitations usually get a spot on the fridge!)
With this method, I don’t have to take care of the bill right away, but it sits where I can see it often in that letter tray, serving as a prompt to take care of it when I can.
Some other ideas for landing areas include:
- A box for your memorabilia
- A file folder for each family member’s important documents
- Hooks or pegs for coats, rain gear, etc.
Habit 8: Adopt mise en place for the next large task
Mise en place is a French culinary term referring to putting in place, or setting up.
It’s miles easier to prepare the dish when ingredients and materials are set out beforehand.
I use this for my dinner preparing habit (detailed in this habits 101 post), which has alone has yielded outsized and wonderful changes. Simply setting up my dinner supplies beforehand is a great way to avoid overwhelm and shutting down– something I regret to admit I took part in quite a bit before this practice was in place.
The concept of setting things up ahead of time can apply to other common situations.
Wouldn’t a trip out be much more pleasant if one gathered all of the necessary travel items first? I like to prepare my daughter’s snack container and sippy cup of water as well as a drink for myself before we run an errand.
Try it out on different daily scenarios. Could your child’s bedtime routine be smoothed by placing his or her items out ahead of time? Or could school days come easier with all the kids’ materials readied?
The trick does wonders.
Habit 9: Avoid comparing your hardship with your spouse’s
Skimming socials during the holidays, I spied a reel talking about the “invisible labors” a stay-at-home-mom endures while “making the Christmas magic.”
Um. What about all of the untold stress and extra work your spouse is taking on just to afford said Christmas magic?
Remember: Laura Ingalls was thrilled to get an orange in her stocking. You don’t have to bombard your children with gifts or make your house into the North Pole.
Evaluate your expectations frequently to judge if they are right-sized, in proportion, sane. (Preaching to myself here!)
Then avoid setting your sufferings up as measuring sticks against your husband’s. That bitter seed wears at your marriage, never building it up. From a Frequent Comparer, trust me when I say it’s worth climbing in the other direction, developing a habit that refuses comparison.
You might just find more happiness as a by-product.
Learning habits for healther, happier motherhood
I’m hoping I’ve given a wonderful bit to chew on as far as habit ideas go.
But you can also create your own habits. Parcel out your dreams into actionable pieces.
For more advice on how to formulate and implement habits to give yourself the best chances of success, I highly recommend reading James Clear’s free bonus chapter from Atomic Habits called “How to Apply These Ideas to Parenting.” He gives specific examples and illuminates the process and science behind behavior change.
In any case, I hope you’ve found this helpful and will join me in this habits journey.
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”
Anne Frank
